Sunday, January 6, 2013

Rugby Onslaught "Heaviest XV"


BACK in 2009 Rugby Onslaught started theorising about who would make up a team of the heaviest rugby union players.

Naturally only RO could be entrusted with such a gargantuan task. Nearly three years on from then Toulouse put together a pack that played against Mont de Marsan that weighed in excess of 950kg. An enormous pack considering most modern international packs are in and around the 900kg mark (average weight 114kg).

On the back of this we felt that it was high time that we revisited the "Heaviest Team" and rebooted it for a 2013 run out. The rules that we applied were simple: A)  said player must be currently playing in one of the major professional leagues; and B) Player must have played in the position in which he was selected during his professional career at least once.

UPDATE: We updated the team on the 12 May 2013 to include the heaviest rugby player in the world, Uini Antonio.

UPDATE: Check out the Top 5 Heaviest rugby players of all time here! 

TOTAL PACK WEIGHT: 1115kg
AVERAGE FORWARD WEIGHT: 139kg/307Ibs/21st12Ibs
AVERAGE BACK WEIGHT: 115.7kg/255Ibs/18st3Ibs
AVERAGE OUTSIDE BACK WEIGHT:  120.8kg/266Ibs/19st
AVERAGE PLAYER WEIGHT: 128.66kg/284Ibs/20st4Ibs

1 James Johnston

The heaviest player in the Aviva Premiership, James Johnston 140kg/308Ibs/22st.

2 Ben Tameifuna 

Although normally a tighthead, Ben Tameifuna slots in at hooker where he has played on a number of occasions. Big Ben weighs 140kg.

3 Uini Antonio 

The main reason that we are updating the team is to include the world's heaviest professional rugby player, Uini Antonio. The La Rochelle tighthead somehow managed to slip under our radar, which is remarkable considering he is 6'5 and 152kg/334Ibs/23st10Ibs.

4 Ollie Kohn

The second Harlequins player on the list Ollie stands 6'7 and weighs in at 138kg.

 5 Romain Taofifenua

The Perpignan giant is one of a number of monster secondrows at the French club, and featured for France in the 6 Nations just past. This colossus stands 6'8 and weighs in at 140kg or 308Ibs in American.

6 Opeti Fonua

Opeti Fonua is officially listed on the Agen website as 150kg, which we presume is a pre-season weight for the substantial 6'7 Tongan. The 147kg/322Ibs/23st Fonua's 15 minutes of fame came when he "road killed" Jonny Wilkinson recently, which you can check out on Youtube. Opeti replaces 129kg Blues backrower Matt Luamanu on our team.

 7 Henry Tuilagi

Known simply as 'The Butcher', big Henry Tuilagi played openside on at least one occasion for Leicester and at 6'1 and 128kg, he puts the brick in the proverbial shithouse.

8 Edwin Maka 

At 6'8 and 130kg, Edwin Maka, youngest of the famous Maka brothers, appears to be Toulouse's "biggest" forward find of the season. Oh, and he's only 19.

 9 Mike Philips

The 6'3, 101kg Mike Philips remains a giant of the scrumhalf genre.

10 Francois Steyn 

Apparently the big Bok outhalf is now 110kg. No we couldn't believe it either, but according to SARU website, he's tipping about at this weight. (EDIT replaces 104kg Gavin Hume)

11 Nemani Nadolo 

The giant winger, who at 6'5 and occasionally 130kg, is probably the biggest back to ever play the professional game, is currently plying his trade in Japan for the NEC Green Rockets.

12 Mathieu Bastareaud

Matthieu "Fat" Bastareaud ballooned up to 121kg, though realistically he's about two stone overweight. Hoping to see a slimmed down version back in the French team soon.

13 Alipaté Fatafehi

UPDATE: Replacing 115kg Sereli Naqelevuki is Tongan centre Alipaté Fatafehi, who at 6'3 and 120kg is a monster of a centre. Alipate is currently playing for big spending ProD2 side Lyon with messrs Chabal and Nallet. 

14 Afa Fa'atau 

UPDATE: Replacing Alesana Tuilagi in the list, the 6'4 and 123kg former Dundalk RFC player recently signed a two year contract with Wellington Lions. Realistically he could do with shedding a few kilos but jeez he's a big bugger. 

15 Jamie Roberts 

Jamie had a few run outs at 15 early in his career and at 110kg is a bit light in the context of the rest of the team, and we suspect there may be heavier fullbacks out there. Tweet us with suggestions.